Strawberry soft-serve? Extruded packing peanut paste? Cherry margaritas? Mr. Bubbles’ shit? Better!!! It’s chicken! And it’s about to be made into chicken nuggets, fingers, etc. Everything that has chicken in it and a “k” in its name comes from this delicious, blood-stained jipe.
Ok, so Snopes clarified some bullshit in that original piece. Chicken glop isn’t “soaked” in ammonia to kill bacteria and it doesn’t contain eyeballs and assholes. I know. I’m sad too. But it does at least have tendons, and probably some gristle and bone chips. I’ve fallen in love with this mechanically-separated turd. It truly is chicken as god intended.
For those of you who are whining about how gross it is to batter and fry poultry frosting, fuck off. It’s no worse than anything else you eat. Yeah, they treat it with ammonium hydroxide to kill the bugs. But meat is 47% antibiotic anyway, and the PH balancers they use in beef create the same compound. Cake flour is chlorinated. High-end cheeses are mostly mold. Sugar is treated with sulfur dioxide. Pop Tarts are made from the tears of Internet trolls and the foreskins of Jewish elephants. Look it up, asshole.
It’s not like you eat anything better. Your daily diet consists of cum, blood and the other fluids that gush from the cloaca of paying customers. Yeah, ok. I could just stir some cheap barbecue sauce into my beloved cock slurry and drop it in the toilet. It would save time. But I’d be robbing myself of the awesome. Without that, my life would be as empty and desolate as yours. Fuck your life. I’m having nuggets.
