I have seen the face of horror. It is a 900 lb woman with an electric cart half way up her ass, screaming in the middle of K-Mart because it’s too damn hot. She’s got a piece of fried chicken that she hasn’t paid for yet in one hand and a pair of panties so large they had to have come from the sporting goods department in the other. And she’s using the panties to blot her forehead. And one of the children following her is crying, so she tells the cashier, “She won’t tell me what’s wrong, so fuck her!” Then she pulls a wad of dripping paper pulp that might once have been legal tender from under her obviously unrestrained, baby-rashed tit and pays for her shit.
I wish I was making this shit up.
We all know that heart disease has become the leading cause of death in the states, surpassing cancer and good lovin’ gone bad. And the major risk factors are all present if you’re too fucking fat: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, physical inactivity, smoking and being too fucking fat. (I know that smoking is connected to obesity because compulsive overeating and smoking both stem from an oral fixation. Don’t question it.) Heart disease seems suspiciously tailor-made to kill this woman.
In fact, I think it is. God created heart disease to weed out a bitch who has so much blubber that she couldn’t ride in a helicopter if she was the one driving it. You know, like how he made AIDS to punish people who got blood transfusions in the 80’s. And when the god monster gets involved, you know we’ve fucked up. We should have let nature take its course. If you can’t live without another pint of O-negative, you die. If you can’t get to the chip aisle under your own power, you die.
We, as a society, have created this woman, this bloated succubus lathering her folds with the remains of decency and fish tacos. We made it possible for her to survive, and in doing so, we have damned ourselves to having to look at and listen to her whenever we go to the big box stores. We should have listened to Nietzsche (The Anti-Christ, 1:5-6). This cunt is a drain on humanity, and it is our duty to slaughter her and return power to those who are fit to wield it. Or whatever. Just stab the bitch in the eye or something. Damn.
